


Birthday Wishes

by KasSgr4y



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, ethan nestor - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ethan Nestor Needs a Hug, How Do I Tag, Hurt Ethan Nestor, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mental Health Issues, Oblivious Mark Fischbach, Please Don't Hate Me, Protective Mark Fischbach, Sad Ethan Nestor, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Trust Issues, Unus Annus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 07:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30017910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KasSgr4y/pseuds/KasSgr4y
Summary: Its Ethan's 21st Birthday and all he wants to do is spend it with his best friends. unfortunately that doesn't quite go to plan.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Birthday Wishes

**TW: Self Harm, self-hate**

To say Ethan was excited would be an understatement. The day had finally come, he was 21. Of course this meant that he could drink legally and stuff, but it also meant that he could spend his birthday celebrating with all of his LA friends. HE had woken up that morning feeling oddly happy and good humoured, something that he wasn’t all that familiar with anymore, and he never wanted the feeling to end.

From what Ethan could tell about Mark, he was quite extravagant about Birthdays, just a few weeks prior he had set up a huge surprise party for Amy and a few months before that he had flown Sion home to Ireland for his birthday surprise. Ethan wasn’t expecting anything like that, hell, he wasn’t even expecting a present because he didn’t really care about that. What Mark had given him since asking him to Move out to LA to work for him was more that Ethan could ever have asked for and he just wanted to spend his birthday celebrating with the people he loved most. He had mentioned this to them all a couple of weeks ago and they had all agreed to do something for Ethan’s birthday together.

He rolled out of bed and headed towards his bathroom to get ready for the day. After a hot shower Ethan returned to his bedroom, quickly grabbing his phone from the bedside table.

**1,804 twitter notifications**

**418 Instagram notifications**

**2 text messages.**

His heart swelled at the thought of his beloved fans sending him some birthday messages. He scrolled through them for a few minutes, smiling and giggling at the sweetest and funniest ones. God he loved his fans. Next were the text messages. Both from his parents, wishing him a happy birthday and promising to talk to him later. He tried to push down the sinking feeling that none of his friends had said anything yet _. It was still pretty early right? Its only 10Am…and They all have busy schedules, they would text him when they have the time._ Regardless, he put his phone down and headed to the kitchen to collect Spencer for his morning walk.

It was nearly midday when Ethan returned from taking Spencer for a walk and boy was he hungry. He reached into his cupboards, pulling out some bread before heading to his fridge to look for something to fill his sandwich with, his stomach grumbled the entire time as a constant reminder for attention. His efforts paused when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He smiled at the contact name lighting up his screen. Mark.

“Hey Mark”

“I need you to come over as soon as you can to film something” The smile vanished and he swallowed thickly. No ‘hey Ethan, Happy Birthday’…okay.

“um, sure…when do you want me around?” Ethan tried to hide the disappointment in his voice, he had already told mark that he didn’t want to be filming on his birthday, he couldn’t have forgotten could he?

“now would be great. Alright see you in a bit” and he hung up, not even saying goodbye. Ethan’s chest felt tight and his heart stung. Mark hadn’t even given him a chance to object. Disregarding the sandwich half made on the counter, suddenly feeling a lack of appetite, he grabbed his filming bag and his car keys not wanting to annoy mark by being late.

It was nearly an hour later when he pulled up to marks house because LA traffics a bitch.

“Mark?” he called out when he didn’t immediately see the older man waiting for him like usual.

There was a rush of movement and Mark rounded the corner carrying a back pack and his car keys. He looked like he was dressed up for something.

“a-are we going somewhere?” Ethan was confused.

“ **We’re** not going anywhere, **im** going somewhere and I need you to stay here and edit.” Mark rushed out somewhat harshly, heading for the door. Ethan’s heart caught in his throat.

“I thought you said we were going to film” There was an unsettling heavy feeling in Ethan’s stomach.

“look man, something came up and I have to go. We’ll film another time. I’ve left the footage on the desk” And with that he was out the door and gone.

The house was eerily silent as Ethan stared down at his phone. It was now nearly 2 Pm and he had yet to receive a single Happy birthday message from any of his friends. He felt cold. A single, hot tear rolled down his face quickly followed by another and another until they coated his cheeks. They’d forgotten.

A hollow feeling replaced the light hearted happiness that had met him in the morning. His skin itched for the familiar feeling of cold metal and this time he couldn’t stop himself. Before he could even think he found himself collapsing on the cold tiled floor of marks bathroom clutching the damned piece of metal tightly in his hand. Gasped Desperate sobs echoed through the lonely air as crimson red painted the floor. And broken tears washed away the remanence of the hope Ethan once held onto like a guideline.

After a forever of silent crying Ethan pulled himself up off the bloody bathroom floor, quickly…expertly… cleaning up any evidence of the hellish deed that was committed only a few moments prior before shuffling into Marks Office to begin the gruelling task of editing. His stomach growled constantly reminding him that he had yet to eat anything that day but he didn’t care, he didn’t have much of an appetite anymore anyways, a solemn sickness rested in his stomach. He pulled his arms around his waist hugging the soft fabric of Marks hoodie that he had adorned to fight the constant chill that wracked his body and stared blankly at the computer in front of him. The video took around 3 hours to edit but he was thankful for the distraction, the minutes ticked by and the pressure in his chest increased the longer he waited. Thoughts consumed him the more time went on. _Did he not remind them. Did they not know. Did they not care about him. Were they doing this on purpose_ … the more he thought about it, the more he came to the conclusion that they were ignoring his birthday on purpose, after all, it was all over twitter. He pulled his knees up to his chest, sobbing violently as an overpowering emotion of betrayal and sadness washed over him.

RING! RING!

Ethan was startled out of his trance at the harsh sound of his phone ringing. He almost couldn’t bring himself to look at the screen…almost…and then he wished he hadn’t. Marks name flashed across the screen in bold letters. A soft whimper left his mouth almost immediately followed by a hiccup.

“H-hello?” His voice sounded scratchy and painfilled but mark didn’t seem to notice.

“Ethan, i forgot to let you know before I left, that there’s another card in the camera with footage that I need you to edit for tomorrow’s post. It might take a while so feel free to crash in one of the spare rooms afterwards. Alright, bye” and he hung up.

It was clear through the call that Mark was at some sort of party. The blaring music amalgamated with the loud chatter echoing through the receiver left no room for doubt. Ethan’s heart sank for the millionth time that day. He had thought Mark had been called to an important event or interview, not a fucking party. First He forgets Ethan’s 21st birthday, then he calls him over to film and ditches him for a party. Who does that. But Ethan couldn’t bring himself to hate the man, if anything he hated himself for what was happening. He didn’t know why but he did. And he let it consume him, editing Marks second video through tear filled eyes.

It was nearly midnight when Ethan finally wrapped up the videos. His stomach had stopped grumbling at him a couple of hours ago, dying down to a dull ache. He had messaged Kathrine earlier to ask her to take spencer out so he didn’t have to worry about him, and it was a good thing too because he was shattered, physically and mentally. Sighing, he wiped a few stray tears from his cheeks and stumbled his way towards Marks spare bedroom. The tears didn’t stop flowing as he readied himself for sleep and they didn’t stop as he dragged his exhausted body to the bed, and they didn’t stop as he forced himself through his splitting headache into a restless slumber. What he didn’t realise through his hazy exhaustion was that the walls of the spare room were oddly well decorated, and the desk looked somewhat overused, and the bedsheets smelled just a little too familiar…

Mark was having a great time. Sion had invited him to a huge party out of the blue only a couple minutes after he had called Ethan. And mark wasn’t usually one to abandon friends but something had taken over him and he had agreed to the party before he even had the chance to contradict himself, the thought of asking Ethan to come with him hadn’t even crossed his mind so he had mumbled up some half-hearted excuse to the boy when he had showed up at marks door ready to film whatever mark had planned. And the thing was…he didn’t even feel bad about it… until about an hour after he made that second phone call. He had been so caught up in having fun and relaxing from work, that he hadn’t even stopped to think of how Ethan must have been feeling. The poor boy worked night and day to edit and film, and mark had just abandoned him. A heavy feeling rushed through his heart and he found himself standing outside, trying to steady his thoughts. Something was missing. There was something he was forgetting…but what…

Mark thought back to the phone call, suddenly very guilty that he hadn’t let Ethan say more than just a quick hello, he knew how much the boy loved to speak. But something about the way Ethan had spoken what little words he said bugged Mark to no ends. He sounded…broken? No, that couldn’t be the right word, he sounded torn. Like he was in pain. Marks eyebrows furrowed as he tried to pinpoint what could be making his Ethan upset. Maybe he could hear the party and he was upset that he wasn’t invited… that had to be it right? But Mark was confused, how could he be upset that he wasn’t invited when he wasn’t even old enough to attend? Questions swarmed through Marks Mind as he pulled out his phone to check the boys social media, maybe he had posted something that could clue mark in to his emotional turmoil.

He opened Instagram first, quickly looking up Ethan’s account but found nothing new. Next was twitter. The moment Mark opened the app he knew he royally fucked up

@CrankGamePlays HAPPY BIRTHDAY EEF

@CrankGamePlays HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY

@CrankGamePlays BIRTHDAY BOI

@CrankGamePlays HES 21 WHOOO!

Hundreds of tweets filled his screen, each one wishing Ethan a fantastic Birthday. Guilt consumed Mark as he stared at his screen. It was Ethan’s Birthday….and he forgot. Mark couldn’t think properly, all he could think of was how horribly he had treated the boy who looked up to him so much. Forgetting the Party, he scrambled for his car, desperate to get home and apologise to Ethan.

He burst through his front door almost 30 minutes later. The house was silent…too silent. But Mark knew he was here, his car was still parked outside. Without missing a beat, he made his way towards the office but when he got there he found it empty, the remanence of Ethan’s work notes were the only indication that he had even been there at all. Mark was once again confused, Normally there’s an array of food wrappers and plates stacked high on the desk, particularly from long work days and yet there was nothing. And Mark couldn’t even recall seeing any dishes in the sink. Something was definitely wrong. _Well duh, you forgot his fucking birthday fuckboat_. Mark almost laughed at the sarcasm of his internal monologue pointing out the obvious. Sighing, he switched off the light, encasing the room in a looming darkness before turning on his heel and heading for the spare bedroom. He paused at the door, his hand hovering over the doorknob. He hadn’t thought his far, what was he going to say, there’s no way a simple apology is going to fix it. Sighing again, he pushed open the door bracing himself slightly…but the room was empty, no sign of Ethan anywhere. Tired, mark headed for the comfort of his own bedroom, if he couldn’t find Ethan right now, he would do it in the morning once he had had a decent sleep.

Pushing his bedroom door open he froze. What he did not expect was to find Ethan fast asleep on **his** bed, curled up in a small ball clenching the sheets tightly to his chest. As if he couldn’t get any more adorable, mark realised that Ethan was wearing on of Marks Favourite hoodies. He stepped closer, coming to rest by Ethan’s side. The smile on Marks face faltered. Visible tear tracks stained Ethan’s red cheeks, his eyebrows furrowed as though he was in pain, and small almost inaudible whimpers left him everytime he moved around. He looked so tiny, so exhausted. And Mark hated himself for causing Ethan so much pain.

Gently, he pushed a stray strand of hair out of Ethan’s eyes, his chest constricting tightly as guilt filled tears formed in his eyes. Mark knew he didn’t deserve to cry because he had been the one to cause Ethan all the pain he was feeling but he couldn’t help it, the more he took in the boys tear stained cheeks, the more uncontrollable his own tears became until his cheeks too were coated in salty tears.

“Shit Eth…i- Im so sorry” he whispered, his voice breaking.

Something caught his eye. A red stain peeked out of a fold of the sheets where Ethan clutched them to his chest. At first Mark thought he had imagined it, but the more he looked, the more Ethan moved, the more prominent the stain became. Sucking in a breath Mark gingerly reached out, gently pulling the sheets from Ethan’s grasp. He froze. There was no doubt in Marks mind what the stain was. Even in the dull moonlight the vivid red could left no room for imagination. His eyes widened, staring in shock at the younger boy, immense sadness and guilt rushing through him. Slowly, mark grasped one of Ethan’s small wrists in his hand, suddenly concerned at how skinny Ethan actually was. Mark thought he would accidently Snapp Ethan’s wrist if squeezed just a little too harshly, and that scared Mark. As if on cue, Ethan’s stomach let out a harsh growl, causing the boy to shift slightly, clutching at his stomach with his one free hand. The lack of muscle and the growling stomach was something mark made a mental note to bring up later but for now he had to concentrate on the issue at hand. He clenched his Eyes shut for a few seconds, hoping against all hope that he was just being paranoid, before pulling Ethan’s arm out towards him and rolling up his sleeve. Mark couldn’t help the choked sob that erupted from his throat. Hundreds of deep lines crisscrossed Ethan’s pale skin, the freshest of which were still oozing thick crimson blood.

“oh eth-“ He couldn’t even bring himself to finish the sentence as he stared down at the younger boy he had come to love. The very notion that Ethan had hurt himself caused a deep rift to open in marks heart and an overwhelming surge of emotions filled him. He couldn’t contain himself, gathering up the smaller boy in his arms he hugged him as close as he possibly could, sobbing into the top of his hair.

Ethan stirred, the jostling of being pulled into a warm chest waking him from his restless sleep. Confusion washed over him as he realised that someone was holding him. The confusion faded only to be replaced with a deep seated wave of pure fear. Snapping his eyes open, he scrambled back basically falling off the bed before he managed to push himself into a corner, trembling as fresh tears burned his eyes. He watched as mark slowly pushed himself up off of his knees where he had been kneeling next to Ethan and began to slowly walk towards him, There was a look in Marks eyes that Ethan couldn’t quite place…Sadness, betrayal…love? That couldn’t be it, Ethan thought, mark hated him remember. He couldn’t quite remember when he had started to notice the changes in Marks behaviour or when the loving jokes turned into taking every possible moment to make sure that Ethan knew Mark was better than him. He couldn’t quite remember when the man he admired the most had started to hate him.

“m-mark…” Mark stopped dead in his tracks. The utter fear that trembled through Ethan’s voice was enough to keep him rooted in place. For the fist time since stepping foot in his room he paused , his mind clearing slightly allowing him to take in Ethan’s trembling form. Cold tears flooded his blotchy cheeks, His eyes blown wide in terror. His legs trembled as they struggled to keep his body upright. His arms were drawn into his chest which heaved heavily with laboured breaths. He looked So fragile…so scared.

Mark held his hands out in front of him, sort of as a gesture that he meant no harm but mark wasn’t really sure.

“You’re okay Ethan. Just breath. Your fine” He gently coaxed as he slowly made his way towards Ethan trying to keep him out of the inevitable panic attack he was facing. The moment he reached Ethan he pulled the smaller boy into a gentle hug. His arms tightened as he felt Ethan’s weight collapse against him as the younger boys shoulders wracked with sobs. Marks heart stung as he slowly lowered both of their body’s onto the bed.

“Shhh…I got you, I got you” Eventually Ethan’s Violent sobs died down to quiet whimpers and hiccups but his body still trembled. There was a lamp in marks throat as he held onto Ethan, A sinking, guilty feeling knowing that he was the one to cause Ethan such pain.

“Mark….”

“Its okay, I got you” Silent tears dropped onto the top of Ethan’s head.

“h-how could you….y-you promised” Ethan’s voice was broken, in pain.

“I…im so sorry Ethan. There’s nothing I can say to excuse what I’ve done…but please, please let me make it up to you.”

Ethan just nodded in acknowledgement, to exhausted to really do anything else but marks heart held a little bit of hope that Ethan had given him an opportunity. His mind was already coming up with as many different ideas to surprise Ethan for his birthday when a very sombre thought came to mind. _Why didn’t Ethan just spend his birthday with his other friends_? There was an uncomfortable feeling in Marks chest as he hugged the younger boy closer to him but he hoped against all odds that he was wrong…

“Ethan?” The man kept his voice gentle and soft, a reassuring tone to calm Ethan. It seemed to work because Ethan’s soft blueish eyes were soon peeking up at him, red rimmed and glistening.

“Eth…Please. Please tell me it was just me that forgot…” Marks voice trailed off at the look on Ethan’s face, confirming the horrible reality that Ethan had been completely alone on HIS birthday. “Oh Eth…Im so sorry. God I should have remembered”

“its okay.” Ethan sniffled “its my fault, no one remembered so I guess I just didn’t remind them, right?” Mark stared down at Ethan in shock. How could he sit there and blame himself for the mistakes of others. Mark wouldn’t stand for it.

“Ethan I need you to listen to me as closely as possible okay” Ethan gave a small nod. “ **WE** forgot your birthday Eth, not you. This was **OUR** mistake, not yours. And I can never make up for that completely but I will try my damn hardest even if it means I have to spend a million dollars on you everyday for the rest of my life, I swear to god I will make it right. I care about you so much more than you could ever imagine. We will sort this out and we will give you a birthday to remember for good things…Slightly postponed sure…but you deserve the World Ethan Nestor, and I won’t stop until I give you it.”

Ethan stared in shock as more tears tumbled down his cheeks. He could hardly believe the words coming out of marks Mouth but something inside him tugged at him, erasing the doubt. The sincerity in his voice left no room for argument and Ethan couldn’t find it in himself to give any.

“Okay” he smiled.

“Okay?”

“Okay”

There was a pause.

“Lets get you cleaned up” And so they found themselves sitting on the floor in the bathroom at god knows what hour of the night, mark tending carefully to the tender slashes that lined Ethan’s arm as he carefully thought out plans for Ethan’s birthday. And Ethan sat in a blissful silence, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched marks movements. Everything was going to be just fine, and Ethan couldn’t be any more relieved.


End file.
